Question marks

“Running is a big question mark that’s there each and every day. It asks you, ‘Are you going to be a wimp or are you going to be strong today?'” Peter Maher, Canadian marathon runner

Today I embark on a 12-week training climb toward a race distance I’ve been eyeing for almost a year now: the half marathon. Until now, this rookie runner has been too chicken to tackle that distance.

It’s not so much the higher mileage I’ve been fearing, I think. It’s myself. Example: before running a 5K race recently, I put so much pressure on myself to PR that I thought I would throw up beforehand. I made myself sick with the fear of failing my own self-imposed, arbitrary standards. What’s the deal with that? Isn’t this supposed to be fun, not nerve wracking?

In anticipation of this tightly-wound version of myself, I’ve kind of been slacking on my running the past two weeks or so. I’ve been telling the big question mark, Yes, I’m going to be a wimp today. Wondering if the goal I hold so dear will be poisoned by such pressure makes me want to shut down, to pull back a little. As much as I love using races for motivation, I have to consider that pieces of my personality threaten to suck all the enjoyment out of it. That’s the last thing I want.

To help remedy this, I’m not imposing any kind of time goal for this half marathon. I would just like to finish. And I would like to have fun. So for this time around, my training will be kind of laid back: two easy-ish runs, one moderate run, one long run and two cross training days per week.

For me, the motivation to run is a big question mark that’s there each and every day. It asks you, “Are you going to be obligated or are you going to be passionate today?” I prefer the latter.